2012

Last year "2011", I decided to follow flow of time for my life arrangements. Beginning of 2011 was good. But later, become the sour year. The pain and lost is unbearable. I wish, I could have been extra careful.

Now I welcome 2012 with proper plan and Firm lifestyle. Aiming to improve finances and Increase of healthy lifestyle.

All the while when a “NO” comes from me, I would be begged to compromise and sacrifice. It gives me a hesitation and hate when doing things I don’t agree or like. Always ended up in big arguments, dissatisfaction and frustration.

But now when I Say NO, I stick to it. I really mean it.

28 NOVEMBER 2011

I will never forget the date “ 28th November 2011. the day I suffered lost of my Baby girl. I was 22 week 5 days pregnant when I delivered her. Doctor told my hubby that they will call it a miscarriage if the baby born under 500gram. They would do nothing to save the child even if born alive. They made him sign the papers.

When the baby born, she cry… warded at NICU. 480 gram, still alive. But no support given. It really hurt me a lot. They ignored my pleas and say that the baby's chances of survival are low. It was "very difficult" to predict whether baby would live, die, be healthy or have disabilities later on in life. Because of this uncertainty, they recommends that parents, after a discussion with the healthcare, should have the final say in whether intensive care is given.

My hubby took me to NICU to see her for last time. She hold my finger. Its like she knew I’m there. I could not even call out her name which I choose before she BORN. SAKUNTALA. So painful even to utter her name. That moment I suffered seeing my baby, with the fact in my mind that the baby will not survive.

In the days and weeks, countless people told me “it will get easier.” Think positive. You still have two children. God loves her more. You are still young.

But, I still miss SAKUNTALA.

CAR

The feeling of driving for first time still fresh in me. I obtain my driving license on 1999. Due to few incidents I never drive. First time drive always get honked by passers, wrong parking, car went reverse when going hill, especially shopping complex, able to drive only after 12.00am till 4.30am. cause at that time hardly we see cars on road. LOL. So my trauma made me stop dreaming of having car.

But than, my colleagues changed my mind tat a women should know to drive to lessen burden for family. And having car is like having independent life. I thought that was true cause all the while I waste time waiting for my hubby to fetch me from work, than get my children from daycare. By the time I reach home, I’m too tired to do the cooking and do house chores. I searched and I got my Kancil “2nd hand” on 6th November 2007, an auto to have easy driving. The next day I drove without anyone’s company. So happy, flying high.

After few years, I found that the car still in good condition and I’m happy with my car. Did have a small corner in my heart to sell it, but remembering the feeling of FIRST TIME HAVING CAR, I tell myself tat I will get old along with my kancil. Sometimes, things don’t happen just like how we want it to be. On 5th August 2011, the car went missing. STOLEN!!!!!!!

Its been 2 months since the incident and now I’m driving second hand Kenari Year 2003. I still pick 2nd hand cause I have lots of commitment and hate long due debts. Many said that its better to add abit and get a new one. What ever the little amount they say its still a huge amount for me.. compare to RM 19,000 Used car with brand new Viva RM 38,000.. Of course people say I will need to take care of maintenance and service of used car more than a new car which wont have problem for coming 5 years. That is why I, myself very particular on picking second hand. Well all have been sorted but I STILL MISS MY KANCIL...

55th Birthday Party

I planned a birthday party for my mum. She hit BIG 5-5 and I feel this is important to make it special and memorable one cause it’s the retiring age. The event took place at Dewan Orang Ramai, Kondo Rakyat . A month before the even me and my siblings have done all the necessary preparation and even when we distribute invitation cards, we make sure they don’t tell mum cause it’s supposed to be a surprise party for her. The guests are advised to wear Birthday theme colour which is Red for the ladies and Blue for Man. Almost 80% have follow the theme. Well, when we walked her into the Birthday Hall, she seems to be shockingly happy. I have few photo’s to share.

LOVE IT

I never like Vidya Balan. Somehow, I instantly fell in love with her look, saree “especially the colour”, bindhi and hair style in this photo.

It’s a magic combinations.

Pongaaaaalooooooooo Pongal

First of all, I would like to wish All Hindu’s Happy Pongal.

This year I celebrated Pongal at temple. Usually every year, we will be doing pongal at my Mother in law house but this year me, and my hubby working, so we skipped pongal at home. I could have done once back from work, but feel lazy. When my hubby says “lets do at temple”, I agreed immediately. Everything went well but still seems so dull and empty.

2011

I can't believe that time of New year came so fast. Did not realize how fast the time has passed. As for the new year Goal Sets achievement, I am a bit stressed trying to plan Plus, lately it seems that I have a millions of work to follow up and to be done. Therefore, this year I am trying to take some of the pressure off and follow the flow of time to know what I need this year.

I must tell the starting of 2011 was really, really good. Got a "SURPRISE GIFT" from my MD to make me stay. And I pulled back my resignation.

My son going to standard one this year so I extended the discipline, as I’m worried about his studies. He is very playful.

Wedding

I've been extremely busy for wedding chores.. My Bro In Law and Sister's wedding. Bro In Law wedding took place on 24th October 2010 at Batu 8, Gombak. Second is My sister which fall on 26th November 2010.

My Favourite photo on my sister's registration day.

August 2010

Hmmmm…..

I went to the movie with my kids and Bani my sister. “The sorcerers apprentice”. We enjoyed it. Did vilaku pooja and most of the shots snap by sis is only my hand, LOL. I am now using Nokia E71 given by my Bro Jeeva. Thank you so much. Told my kids that I will give them a treat at Baskin Robbin and I did keep up the promise. Even brought them to swimming pool.

I always wanted to do charity for the children & WWF. Therefore, I have sign up for monthly donation to UNICEF and WWF. It might be a small amount from me but I believe it could be used to help make a difference.

Most importantly When I’m stuck and lost, I found someone truly there to share my thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. Without her, I would have feel left out and lonely. The best advice I have from her is “Please be patient and everything will be fine. ... God is watching”... Isn’t that great.

I NEED A CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anger

One's anger is one's greatest enemy. I have to agree, it is true. At that point, does it become too late to realize or regret?

My Anger turn to revenge. I could completely ruin her life but something made me stop. I learned that there is no point in dragging it. I learned, bad-mouthing people will keep talking. When she denied all, I know it’s just waste of time.
Make myself stupid out there.

I am more calm now compare to few days ago. Let them keep talking. “GOD KNOWS”. Ohh.. almost forgot. i will change myself to be more quiet person. Straight Forward character in me pointless when im keep blamed for confronting it.